Blessed...

Where to begin, where to begin...

Yesterday made it three months since our precious boys joined us!!  It's so hard to believe it's already been that much time, and yet so hard to believe there was a time when they weren't a part of our hearts already.

Hailey Bug is doing marvelously with her anxiety and OCD!  She's had great success with low doses of medication and breathing/relaxation techniques.  We've seen tons of improvement in her behaviour and demeanor at home and at school.  She's amazing!!  She recently even sang in her school talent show, which is not something I think she would have had the confidence to do months ago.  She was incredibly brave! 

Zach is getting ready to graduate kindergarten on Tuesday (sniff sniff).  It's hard to believe my guy is getting so big.  He seems like such a giant compared to the twins!!  He'll always be my lil' man though.  <3  He's doing awesome in school has been enjoying reading a lot more lately.  He read his first chapter book a few months ago, Frecklejuice, and he loved it! :) 

Eli had an evaluation with a speech therapist last month, and while he was behind, he wasn't behind enough to qualify for services.  We were a little bummed, but not for long!  Suddenly, in the last few weeks, his vocabulary has exploded!!  Just last week he learned to say:  jump, Hailey, Zach, Zaya (Isaiah), please, thank you and down.  Yay Eli!!!  This has made him much less frustrated, as he can get what he wants so much easier, and he's so very proud of himself. :)

Isaiah has been doing just awesome!!  He is tearing it up in his walker, cruising forward and backward all around the house!  He follows me everywhere!!  He started physical, occupational and DSI therapies in the past week.  It's very exciting to see him trying new things and pushing himself.  We have lots to work on with him at home now too.  I can't wait to see all he can do...he will amaze us all, more so than he already does!  He also saw his GI doctor a few weeks ago, and though he hasn't gained any weigh, he is doing very well.  The amount and concentration of his formula have been increased to hopefully pack on a few more pounds, and a barium swallow test has been scheduled to see where we're at with being able to spoon feed.  All in all, he's fabulous and OH so happy!

Foster mom and I have kept in touch with weekly emails and texts, sharing pictures, stories and advice.  We had a lovely playdate with her before Easter to exchange little gifts and visit.  I was scared about how it would go, but it couldn't have been smoother!  All the kids played so well together, and seemed to remember each other.  When it was time to go, the grown ups shed a few happy tears, but the babies didn't seem to understand the significance of the occasion.  We're working on planning another date soon. 

In some very exciting news.... we got a court date!!!!  Yahoo!!!  On Thursday, July 21st, at 9:30am, we will go before a judge and make our family official!!  Our baby boys will become Isaiah Andres Nichols and Elijah Mateo Nichols, just in time for their 2nd birthday only 4 days later.  It will be a rebirth in a way, to shed the old life and move forward with the new one.  They are such a blessing to us all.  Hailey and Zach take such pride in their little brothers and as parents, Josh and I could not be more proud to call all four of these little ones ours.  I don't know how we got so lucky, I really don't.  But God was faithful, and did what He said He'd do, and all I had to do was have faith and learn patience.  Both of these qualities are even more important now that my babies are here. 

I don't know what the future holds for Isaiah, as far as his mobility or his Independence or his cognitive development, but I do know that he is strong willed and eager to please.  He is highly determined to do everything that his twin brother does, and so I believe he will.  He is well loved by all that meet him.  His smile could penetrate even the darkest day.  He will do so much, and already has, to inspire people and bring joy to their lives.  I'm eager to see how it all plays out.

Josh and I are great, just trying to adjust to the chaos still.  We try to be creative and have "dates" here in our living room with popcorn, movies and snuggles.  We try to talk as much as possible and lean on each other for support and validation.  He is my best friend, I don't know who I would be without him.  He brings out all the good in me, and encourages it and nurtures it and believes in me.  Who could ask for more in a partner? 

Again I say, I don't know how I got so lucky...

Enough sentimental, time for some funny :)

At my grandma's funeral, during Communion:
Hailey:  Hey, why do they get a snack?
Me: SHH!!  It's not a snack, we'll talk about it in the car.
Hailey:  I totally just saw that guy chewing!  They are giving out snacks. *pouts*
Me:  *shrinks down in pew and heavily sighs*

Zach, on the way to my grandma's funeral:
Zach: I'm going to miss the gifts Grammy Boo used to send at Christmas and my birthday...
Me: ..um..you realize she's not the one that passed away, right?
Zach:  she's not??  well then who died??

Elijah, to every single person who accepted their diploma at my sister, Tara's, graduation and to me after speaking at my grandma's funeral:
Eli:  HIII!!!!!!!!!!  Yay!!!!!!! *ferociously applauds*

I love you!  Have a great week!

Love,
Trina

My Family, Easter weekend <3









  









Friendship, Funerals and Fires...

I can't wait for May to be over...heat and all, I welcome you, June!!

My Grandma passed away on April 29th, and even though she was 90, and we saw it coming, it was a sucker punch to the gut.  I was in the drive thru line at McDonald's getting my little man a happy meal when I got a text message from my dad, letting me know.  As I unloaded the babies into the house, hands full of lunch, it hit me.  My Grandma was gone.  My dad didn't have a mom anymore.  I woke my sleepy husband (who'd worked the night before) up and told him.  He held me, I cried.  We ate.  The next few days, I checked in on my dad often.  Even through his texts, I could hear pain.  He was feeling a void, and I was feeling so sad for him, imagining myself in his place some day.  Days passed, things started to get back to normal.  Funeral arrangements were made.

Mother's Day...  I woke up to peanut butter & chocolate chip pancakes, the sweetest cards and homemade gifts and goodies from Ulta.  What a morning!!  I slept in until 9am, didn't have to do morning rounds and felt incredibly special.  I decided to start getting ready for the day.  I was just hopping in the shower when my phone rang.  It said "Dad's Cell."  How sweet, I thought, he's calling to wish me a happy mother's day.  As I brushed my teeth, I listened to his message on speaker phone.  It was not him, but his girlfriend instead, asking me to call right away and telling me that dad had an accident.  I remember I started shaking right away, my mind racing with the "what could be's."  I filled Josh in and asked him to call her back so I could have a quiet moment to just cry/pray/freak out in private. 

Dad had been at a BBQ the night before, and due to a freak accident with a tabletop lantern, his shirt caught on fire.  He had 2nd and 3rd degree burns covering 18% of his body and he was in the burn center at the county hospital.  My husband and hero began texting/calling to find us a sitter so he could get me to my dad's side as soon as possible.  I'm so very grateful for my friend, Robin, who stepped up on Mother's Day to come watch my 4 kiddos on short notice!!  (Still don't know how I'll repay you girl!)  Not only that, she brought me a gift!  We'd been gone about ten minutes when I got a call from home.  Apparently, you can't just use liquid dish soap in the dishwasher when you run out of dish washing liquid and you're rushing out the door.  My entire kitchen was flooded with bubbles!!  The kids were absolutely delighted!! Lol...  Thank you again Robin for cleaning my floor...and doing the dishes...and sweeping. :)

I tried to throw up in the parking lot so I wouldn't do it in his room.  I had no idea what to expect.  We walked the maze of the building, being guided by kind strangers until we found the, now ever too familiar, 7th floor.  I walked in and saw him...all mummified in bandages, and I lost it.  I wanted to hug him but couldn't.  I wanted to squeeze his hand, but couldn't.  I wanted to tell him everything would be okay, but I couldn't.  Instead I listened as he told me what had happened, and I tried to be brave, like him.  I'd rarely seen him without his glasses on, and even more rarely had I seen him cry.  Dad fell asleep at least four times during his story, but I got the gist.  We stayed for what felt like minutes but was really hours, and just watched him sleep. 

Finally home, we thanked our dear friends, had a laugh about the bubbles and said goodnight.  We snuggled our babies and soaked up all of their innocence and sweetness, before tucking them in for bed.  My first mother's day with the twins was also my first day away from them.  They were no worse for wear and neither were we. 

In the weeks that have passed since the accident, my dad has had good days and bad, but he's so brave and determined to get better.  He is following doctor's orders, resting a lot and doing his physical therapy.  I've gotten to spend a lot more time with him than usual, but not as much as I'd like to.  So far, he has had 3 skin grafts, the most recent one was this morning.  More than anything, right now, I'd like to be by his side, annoying him by trying to do everything for him.  Hard to be there though with four kiddos, none of which are allowed in the burn center.  Luckily, my hubby has 4 days off coming up very soon and I'll get some time in. 

In the time my dad has been in the hospital, he has missed a family birthday party for my cousin, his mom's funeral and his own birthday.  (He did relent however and allow the nurses to hang a birthday banner in his room...lol).  He is also likely to miss Zach's kindergarten graduation next week, going back east for my cousin's wedding next month and a trip with his girlfriend he was to take at the end of May.  I know he;s disappointed, who wouldn't be?  I'm having a hard time not feeling very sad for him and overwhelmed by his situation.  I feel guilt for not being at the hospital more often.  I feel sadness at not being able to make any of this better for him.  I feel obligated to try. 

A few good things have come of all of this though...  I have gotten to spend a lot more time with my dad than I would have if May had been a normal month.  I got to spend 2 whole days with my little sister, Jen, which were so very needed.  I got to see my little brother, Matt, who I hadn't seen in a year.  He gives the best hugs.  I got to really and truly appreciate my health, which I so often take for granted.  I also have gotten to get to know my dad's girlfriend, Greta, so much better.  Watching the way she cares for him and the way they interact with each other, lean on each other, make each other crack up laughing, has given me the chance to really see their love firsthand.  It's quite lovely to see something so beautiful in the midst of such a negative time. 

I have been very out of touch with most everyone the last few weeks and I'm sorry.  I hope no one has taken it personally, I've just been too spent to want to talk.  Worrying is a such a draining waste of life.  I have decided to give it up.  I can't control or change the outcome of anything going on with my dad, all I can do is enjoy getting to dote on him (when he lets me..lol), love him, trust in his doctors to make good choices for him, and know that God will heal him.

In other totally different news...tons going on with the kids!  I'll have to write a separate post about that...  Tomorrow is 3 months since the twins moved in already! Wow!!  Time is flying by... 

Thank you for your love and please, if you're the praying type, say a little prayer for my dad.  I love him so much. 

Love,
Trina

The Calm Before the Storm or Just a Lazy Sunday?

Serene.  That's how I feel.  I feel like a still body of water, without a ripple or wave, just quiet and content.  I wish I could bottle up this feeling and revisit it whenever I want! :)

Isaiah is in his highchair, happily flinging cheerios (good for dexterity and the dog's are also a fan!) Eli is "coloring" me a picture, and by coloring I mean throwing crayons and balling up printer paper.  Zach is carefully sketching his favorite Mario Bros. characters, and Hailey is in time out for a bad attitude.  After a weekend of camping with the girl scouts, I think both she and Josh will sleep fantastically tonight.

Life is good.  It is busy and chaotic, it is frustrating and unpredictable too.  But, with the unpredictable, also come unexpected blessings and joys.  I had the best weekend just chilling out with the boys.  We took a walk, colored with chalk on the driveway, made cupcakes, snuggled a ton and Zach and I stayed up late to play video games and watch movies.  It was awesome.  I've always loved spending time with my kids, but the one on one time is even more special to me now that there are six of us. 

The twins have officially been with us for a month now!!!  I can hardly believe it!  We had our first post-placement visit with our caseworker last week.  It was so great to see her and share out joys and challenges.  We've been so fortunate to have her along for the ride!  She's been a valuable source of information, guidance and has become a great friend. 

Today is the last day of Spring Break!  I'm a little sad to see the kids go back to school tomorrow, but I do love routine, so the idea of getting back into ours gives me some comfort.  The coming week will bring a girl scouts meeting, a visit from the boys' caseworker, a long overdue coffee and playdate with a missed friend, and who knows what else...  I suspect laundry will be involved...

I'm so proud of Hailey and Josh.  They were camping all weekend with the girl scouts and had such an amazing time!  I'm sure Hails needed some one on one time with Daddy, and I know he needed a little time away from the chaos. (By the sounds of it though, I don't think ten girl scouts is a whole lot less stressful than our brood!)  Hails tried rock climbing, holding a worm and a fish and the thing she was MOST scared of....going potty in an outhouse. 

Before he left, Josh buzzed the boys' heads.  They look so cute and no more macaroni in the hair, yay! 

Last week we finally got to meet with Isaiah's neurologist.  He was a very nice older gentleman, with lots of experience, patience and tact.  I liked him.  He has a lot of hope for our boy.  He said he seems to have made a lot of progress since his last appointment and really feels that he is thriving.  I couldn't agree more!  Isaiah's newest thing is that he can say "yeah" and says it in response to every question he's asked.  It's so adorable. :)

And my favorite kid-ism of the week goes to Zach:

Zach: someone should make lids for shopping carts so Elijah can't keep standing up in the back.
Me: couldn't stand up...couldn't breathe?
Zach: he'd be okay, there are holes in the bottom


And with that I will go start dinner.  (Don't worry, Hailey's not still in time out..lol)  

Thank you for reading and helping me stay connected to the world around me <3

Treasure...

All day I've just been feeling this need to write.  If feels good to finally carve out a little time to let it flow...

Today was an awesome day!  The kids and I were up, dressed and out the door by 9:30 this morning.  We had a few errands to run, and thought it would be fun to hit a few yard sales along the way.  Hailey and Zach took turns staying in the van with the boys.  We got some great deals and even managed to find Josh a framed Ghostbusters poster for the movie room (only $3!!)  woohoo!  Zach was so sweet, when it was his turn to go with me, he insisted on buying his sister a stuffed animal that he knew she would love.  At the next yard sale she returned the favor by buying him an M&M dispenser.  I love how generous they are.  We swung through a drivethru so I could get my sugar free vanilla iced coffee (yum!) and get the kids each a cookie for their stellar behaviour, though the  person on the other end of the speaker kept insisting that I was saying "sweet tea" and not "cookie."  I had to finally say, "dessert, cookie, chocolate chip, you know...COOKIE!"  The kids thought this was hilarious.  Eventually speaker dude figured out what I was saying, and we were on the road again.  Errands complete, we had one more stop to make.  We had to replace Zachary's recently deceased fish.  Go figure..we've had a pair of tetras for over 5 years now!  They have survived 2 house moves, but didn't survive the move from sitting room to Zach's bedroom yesterday. 

By the time we got home, we felt very accomplished!  We ate a little lunch, Hailey changed a few diapers (I knew her baby doll fascination would one day pay off!), and it was off to sleepy town for the twins. 

Zach and I got his new fish, Bob, all set up in his tank, got in a little video game time ('Worms, A Space Oddity' is out new obsession!) and then I got in a quick nap.  I startled awake, unrefreshed and sporting a bracelet indentation on my face.  Hailey's fish had also died (apparently this was a seriously rough move on both the fish) so off to Walmart we went again.  The dogs escaped as we tried to leave and after chasing them down, reprimanding them and locking them in the backyard, we were on the road again.  Hailey was bummed that all the pretty Betas were male, but settled on a beautiful shimmery blue one, that she named Treasure. 

Again we unloaded and headed inside.  Josh has been sick the last few days, so we were glad to find him up and feeling a little more alert.  He had fun playing with the babies while the big kids and I made a dinner of pigs in a blanket and baked beans.  Isaiah has been trying a few different stage 1 baby foods and for the most part, has just played with them.  But yesterday and today he has really been eating them, and well!!  He seems to loooove green beans and be on the fence about carrots and peas.  We'll keep working with him.  This is exciting progress! 

After everyone had been cleaned up, jammied and snuggled, we put the boys to bed.  Through his I-don't-want-to-go-to-bed-yet-tears, Isaiah clapped for me after my nightly rendition of "You Are My Sunshine."  He makes me smile right down to my soul.  

In honor of Josh's new poster (and the fact that Nick @ Night bleeped out all the curse words) the rest of us cuddled up to watch Ghostbusters.  In true Zach fashion, he fell asleep about ten minutes in.  Hailey was riveted, claiming this was the best movie she's ever seen and wondering when part 2 would air.  (On a side note, Zach crawled into my bed so he could watch his little brothers sleep on the video monitor <3  he's sooo good with them.)

And now they are all in bed, sleeping off the day's adventures and gearing up for new ones tomorrow.  Soon, I'll do the same.  But before then, I'm going to snuggle up to my best friend/love of my life and watch a movie with him.  I'll hold his hand, he'll play with my hair, and for just a moment, we'll give each other our most valuable treasure -our undivided attention. 

My Lucky Charms

Ahhhh....naptime again.  My favorite time of day :)  Just enough time to catch my breath, eat some lunch, throw in a load of laundry and maybe catch a nap or a shower! :)

It's been a great week so far.  On Tuesday night I was determined to turn our unused sitting room into a playroom for the boys.  I stayed up until 1am (overachiever), and aside from demolishing our desk, being accosted by a large spider and rendering our entertainment center homeless, I was successful!! 

Wednesday was spent recovering from Tuesday night's ambitions.  The little ones and I played on the driveway and watched the big kids play on their scooters.  We enjoyed the fresh warm air and snacked on string cheese.  It was nice. :)  I thought it wise to nap while they napped.  After the boys went to bed, the big kiddos and I snuggled up and passed out on the couch watching movies.  I love when they fall asleep on me like that, even Tapatio (our chihuahua) was snoring...so cute!

Today we ate our green pancakes and drank our green milk!  We donned our green attire and headed out to get some  grocery shopping done.  Thank God for Bashas free childcare!!  The big kiddos made St. Patty's Day masks while the little kiddos and I trekked through the store, searching for pots of gold, but only coming up with Cheerios and strawberries.  Good enough for me!

As I look around I see the homeless entertainment center in my hallway, the laundry optimistically piled up on the couch and the table adorned with crayons, stickers and paper, I realize that my house has never been so messy and never felt more like a home. <3

My Little Leprechauns <3

Abundance...

All four of my beautiful angels are tucked snuggly into their beds.  It has been 15 days since the twins moved in.  In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday and yet, I can't imagine my days without them in it. 


I have wanted to write again for a while now, and tried to start a few times, but our adoption story feels complete for now.  So I decided to start this blog as a way to share all of the touching firsts, hilarious situations and adorable moments that have been happening around here lately. 


Firsts:

• Mama: Elijah said "Mama" and melted my heart...then we realized he calls everyone Mama when he wants something. LOL
• Grocery shopping trip:  Took 2 carts and 2 adults, but we did it!  The boys behaved so well, and waved at everyone that walked by. 
• Birthday Party:  We went to a birthday party of a close family friend.  I admit, I was a little nervous.  It was just me...and 4 kids.  But they all behaved so very well.  Elijah had a blast!  He ate a slice of pizza, shared a piece of cake with me and got to play a little basketball.  They all slept great that night. :)
• Clap: Isaiah learned how to clap!! Open fisted, with both hands! (this is HUGE for him!) and he says "Yaaaayyy" while he does it.  Not only that, but he knows the appropriate situations in which to do it. 
• School Event:  The kids had a "show off all the awesome stuff you've been working on all quarter" night at school last week.  I braved it with all 4 kids!  I wasn't sure if I could do it, but I did.  Hails and Zach had fun showing off their little brothers to their teachers and all of their friends.  Isaiah waved and high fived everyone he could, and Elijah tried his best to con anyone into helping him escape his stroller.
• Dr's Appointment: this deserves it's own post...you'll understand why when you read it.
• Playdate:  We had a playdate with one of our favorite families.  The big kids ran around outside, Isaiah melted everyone's heart and showed off his recently learned tricks and Elijah made lots of new friends and learned that he likes yogurt melts.
• Day From Hell:  Oh yes, we had one.  Four days in.  We had one of those Daddy is at work-Isaiah's feeding machine not working-Hailey freaking out about the afore mentioned feeding machine-Elijah screaming about wanting to get out of his high chair-Zach begging to go play wii-Mama still trying to fix feeding machine-Elijah biting Zach-Zach sassing Mama-Mama weeping on the floor-friend coming over to help out-kind of nights.  It all worked out.  We had a family meeting the next morning and talked about what we all could have done differently to make things go smoother. :)  No more days like that since :)

There has been so much change in my day to day life over the past two weeks.  At times life has felt very overwhelming.  There have been moments where I felt somewhat alone, or isolated from the world.  There have been moments where I questioned my abilities as a mother, as woman.  But, there have also been moments filled with such clarity of purpose.  There have been moments when friends and family have stepped forward with such love and generosity that I was humbled.  I have learned a lot over the past two weeks.  I am now a pro at loading/unloading a minivan, changing crib bedding one handed, administering meds,  and getting macaroni and cheese out of a toddler's hair.  But I have also learned that I am capable of more than I ever thought I was.  I feel like a braver, stronger, more confident version of my former self.  I don't know how I got to be so blessed with the four little miracles asleep in their beds, and the big miracle snoring in his comfy chair beside me, but I will do my best to never take them for granted and make sure they always have an abundance of love. <3