I can't wait for May to be over...heat and all, I welcome you, June!!
My Grandma passed away on April 29th, and even though she was 90, and we saw it coming, it was a sucker punch to the gut. I was in the drive thru line at McDonald's getting my little man a happy meal when I got a text message from my dad, letting me know. As I unloaded the babies into the house, hands full of lunch, it hit me. My Grandma was gone. My dad didn't have a mom anymore. I woke my sleepy husband (who'd worked the night before) up and told him. He held me, I cried. We ate. The next few days, I checked in on my dad often. Even through his texts, I could hear pain. He was feeling a void, and I was feeling so sad for him, imagining myself in his place some day. Days passed, things started to get back to normal. Funeral arrangements were made.
Mother's Day... I woke up to peanut butter & chocolate chip pancakes, the sweetest cards and homemade gifts and goodies from Ulta. What a morning!! I slept in until 9am, didn't have to do morning rounds and felt incredibly special. I decided to start getting ready for the day. I was just hopping in the shower when my phone rang. It said "Dad's Cell." How sweet, I thought, he's calling to wish me a happy mother's day. As I brushed my teeth, I listened to his message on speaker phone. It was not him, but his girlfriend instead, asking me to call right away and telling me that dad had an accident. I remember I started shaking right away, my mind racing with the "what could be's." I filled Josh in and asked him to call her back so I could have a quiet moment to just cry/pray/freak out in private.
Dad had been at a BBQ the night before, and due to a freak accident with a tabletop lantern, his shirt caught on fire. He had 2nd and 3rd degree burns covering 18% of his body and he was in the burn center at the county hospital. My husband and hero began texting/calling to find us a sitter so he could get me to my dad's side as soon as possible. I'm so very grateful for my friend, Robin, who stepped up on Mother's Day to come watch my 4 kiddos on short notice!! (Still don't know how I'll repay you girl!) Not only that, she brought me a gift! We'd been gone about ten minutes when I got a call from home. Apparently, you can't just use liquid dish soap in the dishwasher when you run out of dish washing liquid and you're rushing out the door. My entire kitchen was flooded with bubbles!! The kids were absolutely delighted!! Lol... Thank you again Robin for cleaning my floor...and doing the dishes...and sweeping. :)
I tried to throw up in the parking lot so I wouldn't do it in his room. I had no idea what to expect. We walked the maze of the building, being guided by kind strangers until we found the, now ever too familiar, 7th floor. I walked in and saw him...all mummified in bandages, and I lost it. I wanted to hug him but couldn't. I wanted to squeeze his hand, but couldn't. I wanted to tell him everything would be okay, but I couldn't. Instead I listened as he told me what had happened, and I tried to be brave, like him. I'd rarely seen him without his glasses on, and even more rarely had I seen him cry. Dad fell asleep at least four times during his story, but I got the gist. We stayed for what felt like minutes but was really hours, and just watched him sleep.
Finally home, we thanked our dear friends, had a laugh about the bubbles and said goodnight. We snuggled our babies and soaked up all of their innocence and sweetness, before tucking them in for bed. My first mother's day with the twins was also my first day away from them. They were no worse for wear and neither were we.
In the weeks that have passed since the accident, my dad has had good days and bad, but he's so brave and determined to get better. He is following doctor's orders, resting a lot and doing his physical therapy. I've gotten to spend a lot more time with him than usual, but not as much as I'd like to. So far, he has had 3 skin grafts, the most recent one was this morning. More than anything, right now, I'd like to be by his side, annoying him by trying to do everything for him. Hard to be there though with four kiddos, none of which are allowed in the burn center. Luckily, my hubby has 4 days off coming up very soon and I'll get some time in.
In the time my dad has been in the hospital, he has missed a family birthday party for my cousin, his mom's funeral and his own birthday. (He did relent however and allow the nurses to hang a birthday banner in his room...lol). He is also likely to miss Zach's kindergarten graduation next week, going back east for my cousin's wedding next month and a trip with his girlfriend he was to take at the end of May. I know he;s disappointed, who wouldn't be? I'm having a hard time not feeling very sad for him and overwhelmed by his situation. I feel guilt for not being at the hospital more often. I feel sadness at not being able to make any of this better for him. I feel obligated to try.
A few good things have come of all of this though... I have gotten to spend a lot more time with my dad than I would have if May had been a normal month. I got to spend 2 whole days with my little sister, Jen, which were so very needed. I got to see my little brother, Matt, who I hadn't seen in a year. He gives the best hugs. I got to really and truly appreciate my health, which I so often take for granted. I also have gotten to get to know my dad's girlfriend, Greta, so much better. Watching the way she cares for him and the way they interact with each other, lean on each other, make each other crack up laughing, has given me the chance to really see their love firsthand. It's quite lovely to see something so beautiful in the midst of such a negative time.
I have been very out of touch with most everyone the last few weeks and I'm sorry. I hope no one has taken it personally, I've just been too spent to want to talk. Worrying is a such a draining waste of life. I have decided to give it up. I can't control or change the outcome of anything going on with my dad, all I can do is enjoy getting to dote on him (when he lets me..lol), love him, trust in his doctors to make good choices for him, and know that God will heal him.
In other totally different news...tons going on with the kids! I'll have to write a separate post about that... Tomorrow is 3 months since the twins moved in already! Wow!! Time is flying by...
Thank you for your love and please, if you're the praying type, say a little prayer for my dad. I love him so much.
Love,
Trina
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